The first time I noticed her was when I caught her staring at me for the second time.
I'm used to people staring at me because of my body. I have a big front and curves on the right places. I often caught people staring at my body, and they will just smile when they realized that I'm already looking back at them. Some attempted to approach me, and I've always treated them nicely.
The second time that I caught her was the first time, after a long time, that I felt awkward. The first time, after a long time, that I feel like someone is looking at me. She was looking at my face, right into my eyes, straight to my naked soul.
I felt something inside me shifted. A chemical reaction. A defense mechanism that suddenly activated. "Avoid her at all cost". That's the course of action my system decided to take.
Ironically, because I decided to avoid her, I end up always looking for her, thinking that she might be just around where I am.
I never saw her again.
Eventually, I stopped looking for her. I stopped thinking about her.
Or so I thought.
Subconsciously, I started looking for people who looks at me.....
...the way that she did.
Lunes, Hulyo 10, 2017
Linggo, Abril 16, 2017
Linggo, Marso 27, 2016
Insanity Laughs 11
We stopped giving words. Maybe some other time.
Who she is, where we met, how things went. If I try to explain all that to people, they'll go crazy.
Today, I was with my highschool friends. Three of them, one is my bestfriend.
The other two started asking questions. Of course, I told them what I can. After the conversation, they feel stressed because of my story. "Our" story. They seem to disapprove. But I know better. They are worried that I might get hurt.
Disapproval. I thought that's suppose to make me feel sad. But it doesn't. Instead, it feels like a chance.
In other's rejection, I find a chance to accept her more.
In other's rejection, I find a chance to love her more.
Thus, my endless fall.
They said love is a choice.
I chose you. And I will choose you. Every day.
They asked me, how did I know that it's really love that I'm feeling?
I said, "you just know it."
But after thinking about it, I realized, I don't know.
It's not "you just know it.".
It's "you don't know it's love."
You don't know until you realize that you're already going crazy.
That's when you know it's love.
When you meet insanity.
Which seems to be my case.
Who she is, where we met, how things went. If I try to explain all that to people, they'll go crazy.
Today, I was with my highschool friends. Three of them, one is my bestfriend.
The other two started asking questions. Of course, I told them what I can. After the conversation, they feel stressed because of my story. "Our" story. They seem to disapprove. But I know better. They are worried that I might get hurt.
Disapproval. I thought that's suppose to make me feel sad. But it doesn't. Instead, it feels like a chance.
In other's rejection, I find a chance to accept her more.
In other's rejection, I find a chance to love her more.
Thus, my endless fall.
They said love is a choice.
I chose you. And I will choose you. Every day.
They asked me, how did I know that it's really love that I'm feeling?
I said, "you just know it."
But after thinking about it, I realized, I don't know.
It's not "you just know it.".
It's "you don't know it's love."
You don't know until you realize that you're already going crazy.
That's when you know it's love.
When you meet insanity.
Which seems to be my case.
Linggo, Marso 20, 2016
Insanity Laughs 10
OPEN
"The next step after finding a treasure..that lies on everyone's heart."
--her
Our word for today, "PAST"
My entry: 1. I used to visit this place. For here lies things that I once had. Memories, laughter, tears, smiles, and all.
2. Something you'll never be, to me.
Her entry: One of the best things to share.
------
I don't feel like saying anything today. Because we're having a little fight.
More reason for insanity to laugh at me.
"The next step after finding a treasure..that lies on everyone's heart."
--her
Our word for today, "PAST"
My entry: 1. I used to visit this place. For here lies things that I once had. Memories, laughter, tears, smiles, and all.
2. Something you'll never be, to me.
Her entry: One of the best things to share.
------
I don't feel like saying anything today. Because we're having a little fight.
More reason for insanity to laugh at me.
Sabado, Marso 19, 2016
Insanity Laughs 09
Yesterday, she called at 7am and she found out that I'm still in bed at that time, so she told me to get up and that I should do some exercise. So I did that today. I did some biking.
That's her. My pretty rising sun. Not literally. I haven't seen her face. But looking at the pretty rising sun feels like looking at her. I've always wondered why she is so far from me. If you want to know, we're approximately 935miles away from each other. Looking at the sun, I realized that distance is necessary. So why are you so far from me? It's the same as nature. If the sun was nearer, if there's no distance between the sun and the earth, you know what happens.
As I was in the bridge, there's a river. And looking at nature, I also notice some sort of separation. Water and land. It's necessary.
If the moon and the stars weren't that far, will we appreciate it the same?
OPEN
My entry: having a high degree of closeness.
She called to asked me something. She sounded serious. I didn't quite understand what she's asking. But here's her question. "How many dwarfs does Cinderella has?"
I didn't say 'twelve'. I'm still trying to asked her to repeat it because the line wasn't clear. Again, I did not say 'twelve'. But she heard me say twelve. So I said twelve.
Cinderella doesn't have any dwarfs.
Her laugh though.
I can't stop smiling.
That's her. My pretty rising sun. Not literally. I haven't seen her face. But looking at the pretty rising sun feels like looking at her. I've always wondered why she is so far from me. If you want to know, we're approximately 935miles away from each other. Looking at the sun, I realized that distance is necessary. So why are you so far from me? It's the same as nature. If the sun was nearer, if there's no distance between the sun and the earth, you know what happens.
As I was in the bridge, there's a river. And looking at nature, I also notice some sort of separation. Water and land. It's necessary.
If the moon and the stars weren't that far, will we appreciate it the same?
OPEN
My entry: having a high degree of closeness.
She called to asked me something. She sounded serious. I didn't quite understand what she's asking. But here's her question. "How many dwarfs does Cinderella has?"
I didn't say 'twelve'. I'm still trying to asked her to repeat it because the line wasn't clear. Again, I did not say 'twelve'. But she heard me say twelve. So I said twelve.
Cinderella doesn't have any dwarfs.
Her laugh though.
I can't stop smiling.
Biyernes, Marso 18, 2016
Insanity Laughs 07
INSANITY
My entry: the side effect of loving you.
She hasn't given her entry yet. She's giving me the silent treatment. At times like this the bed looks extra attractive, but sleeping would feel like cheating on her so I have to control my desire to sleep.
My entry: the side effect of loving you.
She hasn't given her entry yet. She's giving me the silent treatment. At times like this the bed looks extra attractive, but sleeping would feel like cheating on her so I have to control my desire to sleep.
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